Of Dates and Dancing
by Anoyo
Summary: Short, sarcastic play at Roy and Ed attempting to go out on a date. Involves Al's famous fish impression and some gratuitous public displays of affection. RoyEd, AlWinry, no spoilers.


**Of Dates and Dancing**

Disclaimer: FMA is not mine. Roy/Ed wouldn't be a subtext if it were. Thanks.

Notes: Uhm, for this, Roy and Ed are already together. It's just a drabble, folks. Rated for suggestive behavior and a minor makeout scene. That isn't really a makeout scene . . . you'll see.

Warnings: Shounen-ai, hints of yaoi, humor, language.

They had planned for the evening to be a nice, secluded night out. The first stop had gone without a hitch -- lovely dinner for two at a mostly vacant café and a dance in the park -- leaving them open for failure.

Roy knew that no evening of his -- and even less so an evening of Ed's -- could go exactly as planned. He was prepared for several loud, blaring failures. He was not, however, prepared for what actually happened. He had to give fate credit, though; he hadn't known anyone could be any more sadistic than he himself was.

They had left the park in high spirits, laughing and pausing briefly to exchange chaste kisses all the way to their next destination: a slightly more "happening" club -- though still not overly crowded and with plenty of tables -- on the outskirts of Central. Ed had spent the first five minutes in culture shock -- Roy enjoying Ed's wide, glossy expression immensely -- before letting out a brief exclamation and dragging Roy onto the dance floor for experimentation.

Both alchemists were experienced dancers, having attended their fair share of military functions, but Roy was the only one between them who'd ever been "clubbing." Ed spent a few minutes spinning around and watching the other dancers before giving in and improvising. And Ed had always been known for his brilliant "flukes."

After nearly two hours of dancing, Roy gave in to his aching feet -- Ed didn't seem to be tired in the slightest, but that could also have been a fluke -- and drug the two of them over to a small, outlying table. Roy ordered them both drinks and collapsed into a chair. Ed, still flushed and somewhat euphoric from the dancing, plopped down in his lap.

Watching Ed laugh and smile, wrapping one arm around the Colonel's neck and bunching the other in his shirtfront, Roy couldn't find even the slightest motivation to be irritated. Instead, he opted for setting his drink down, wrapping one arm around Edward's waist, and using his free arm to pull the younger man in for a kiss.

A kiss, which, due to the raging hormones and lack of self-control, quickly escalated into an all-out tongue war. Roy had slipped the hand around Ed's waist up the back of his shirt, and was proceeding to win the duel, when he heard a shocked squeak over the bass:

"Niisan!" Alphonse Elric, on his own date with the lovely Winry Rockbell, exclaimed, voice cracking.

Ed, breaking the kiss, but not removing himself from Roy's lap, had the decency to blush before stammering, "A-Al. Hi. What are you doing here?"

Al wagged his jaw a few times before pointing and proclaiming stupidly, "You're sitting in the Colonel's lap! Making out with him! In broad daylight!"

"Actually," Roy interjected, figuring he was allowed a bit of teasing, "it's rather dark in here, and there's no daylight left. Or there shouldn't be, seeing as it's nearly one o'clock in the morning."

"That's besides the point!" Al yelped, starting to stalk forward. Roy was amused to note that Winry looked on the verge of hysterical laughter. Good. So he wasn't the only one.

Roy raised a dark eyebrow. "Seeing as "in broad daylight" was one of the attacks you were using, I'd say it was well-within the point." He let a smirk through. "And I was under the impression you already knew that Edward and my relationship was no longer platonic. You did, after all, help him move in with me."

Al looked absolutely mortified before letting out a conceding yowl and flopping into a chair across from his brother and said brother's lover. Winry sat down next to him, lips twitching, and attempted to placate him by a soft pat on the head.

Ed, strangely silent through all of this, decided their calm was the opportune time to try and slide off Roy's lap. Roy was having none of that, though, and wound up pulling Ed further against him in the effort to keep the younger man captive. This caused the once-sideways Ed to be straddling his lap, a few unnamed parts pressing and causing a bit of discomfort.

Roy blinked at the straight pair across the table, attempting to hide the flush coming into his face by staying close to Ed's shoulder. They didn't buy it.

Winry, the less flabbergasted of the two, beat her fiancée to the punch, grinning solely to torment her surrogate brother and the Colonel, and said, "Well, you two look a little beat. Maybe you should head home, okay?" She slipped on her best "I'm an adorable little girl with a wrench, so fucking do as I say" smile, and poked Al into a standing position. "We're gonna hang out here and dance for a bit."

Roy mentally translated, _Go home and screw. I'm going to attempt to distract Alphonse. Maybe you'll live until morning. Be lucky I'm nice._ He grinned back at the mechanic. "That sounds like a wonderful idea, doesn't it, Edward?" he said, moving his hips forward slightly to slide Ed off his lap and into a standing position.

"Er, yeah," Ed agreed, moving towards the door. "See you tomorrow, Al. We've got that, uh, thing to do. With, you know, the guy," he stammered, scratching the back of his head.

Al just nodded, processing what his brother had said and giving the couple ample time to escape.

As they were walking down the street towards their apartment, Roy caught his breath -- he'd been laughing helplessly -- and grinned at the highly embarrassed Fullmetal Alchemist. "Well, that could have gone worse," he said cheerfully.

To Roy's surprise, Ed's embarrassed look quickly replaced itself with a joking smirk. "Yeah. He let you keep your balls." His smirk widened. "And we all know how terrible that would have been, had he not."

Roy shuddered. He liked his genitals where they were, thanks. "Point taken." Then he grinned. "How about we celebrate by putting them to use?" he asked, condescending smirk settling into place.

He received a smack for the effort, but his saved appendages received a workout nonetheless, much to the disgruntlement -- and later stiffness -- of his younger lover.

Ha! End! My first FMA fic! And, yes, it was plotless and pointless. Whoops. Inspired entirely by a href"http/4. target"blank" Sakki's /a artwork. Yay, drabbles


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